Friday, December 16, 2005

It may be another ten years.......

It's been two days, so I can finally bring myself to write about this.

I was recently nagged by friends, family and colleagues into making an appointment to see a doctor. It's been at least ten years since I last saw one. So I made an appointment to get a physical in a January. In the mean time, I developed a case of celluitis (fancy word for skin infection) and thus made an appointment to get it looked at. "Well", the Doc said, "since you are here, we'll just do the physical now."

(What???!!! I haven't had time to build myself up mentally and emotionally for this.)

So the Doc throws me one of those hospital robes that doesn't even come close to covering me and says, "strip down to your skivvies!" He leaves and gives me privacy while I strip down (which makes no sense given what's coming up). He comes back a few minutes later, takes an oral history, listens to my heart and lungs etc, and then orders, "stand up and drop your skivvies!" (What no dinner first?)

He then precedes to give me a hernia test and "examine" (read feel up) my testicles. OK, I've had that done before for sports, but how many 40 year old teachers get hernias? Now I hear the dreaded command: "Turn around, bend over and put your elbows on the bed!"

Damn. I can't believe it has come to this.

He then proceeds to insert his finger in my rectum while telling me to relax. RELAX? What the hell was he talking about? Thankfully it was over quickly and he informed me that my prostrate was in great shape. (yeah, but how about my dignity Doc?)

All in all, it was the most action I've had in years, but he hasn't called me since.

I feel so used.

1 comment:

Grand Moff Trojan said...

Woo Hoo, at least the Dr. wasn't a family friend, which happened in my case this past summer. I needed a physical and didn't have a Dr. in California, so I called in a favor and had a man that was at my wedding give me the feeling of a lifetime... I will probably wait at least 5 more years until I have another one of those... It was pretty uncomfortable.